MONTEZUMA’S REVENGE!!! and other worries of a traveler returned home.

Motecuhzoma Xocoyotzin, known also a Montezuma II, was the ruler of the Mexican city of Tenochtitlan in the early 1500s. During his rule, his people encountered European conquistadors for the first time. When he lost his Kingdom to these conquistadors, it changed the course of Mexican history forever.

 

 

 

In modern times, it is believed by some that Montezuma is still enacting his counterattack on those outside his country that ruined his empire. It is said that he does this by inflicting those who enter his country with what doctor’s call “Traveler’s Diarrhea,” an illness that results from having traveled to another country and encountering pathogens that, if one had grown up exposed to them, wouldn’t have an effect, but to someone who is being exposed to them for the first time, can affect one with terrible indigestion and all the words that can be found in the Pepto Bismol theme song. This malicious enactment is called “Montezuma’s Revenge” by believers in the myth, as the former leader is “getting his own” from beyond the grave at every “gringo” that enters his homeland.

 

Well, I am here today to tell you that this myth is absolutely and totally true, and that Montezuma in his rage has expanded his territory to the other countries of Central America, including the lovely land of Honduras.

 

AND IT IS A WRETCHED REVENGE, INDEED.

 

 

I do not wish to explain how I know or can verify that this myth is true, so I kindly request that you not ask.

 

I SAID DON’T ASK.

 

Now if you’ll please excuse me for a moment, I have a Reader’s Digest to finish.

 

If I’m not back in ten minutes please go on with your lives without me,

 

Isaac.